I (kinda, sorta, not really) went through a breakup.
Technically, I was never even in a relationship. In my head, we were dating. In my head, I had already fallen and imagined a future, as I am the sappiest romantic out there. Unfortunately, it didn't work out and of course, I got the brunt of the burn and as a result, have been living in post-breakup melancholy.
I've mentioned this before, but I am the girl who is able to feel the highest highs... and the lowest lows. When it comes to boys, I'm especially susceptible and in this day in age, with all that talking via texting and snapchat, I'm even more sensitive to it. I'm telling you, communicating via technology is fine for little stuff, but for the majority of communication in dating, it's a copout. It's easy, affordable, you're anonymous, and there's no responsibility or accountability.
Living all by myself in the city has proved to be one thing I was not expecting- lonely. I look forward to going to work and school, as it is my social outlet! Crazy, right? That being said, I have recently begun dipping into the dating scene and while it can bring forth incredible crying sessions in my room, morning, noon, and night, I have also learned a lot about being independent and about loving the responsibility of being single (and ready to flamingle).
I was talking with my (wise) coworker today about boys. It's no surprise that I've been on the pity pot thanks to one (male) in particular, and she made really made me look at things from a different perspective.
Here's what I learned:
1.) 95% of relationships with boys will not work out. Good news is that you will walk way with knowledge, experience, and a better understanding of what you want in the future. And, it will prepare you for that one amazing 5% that's waiting patiently for you.
2.) Before you love anyone, you must love yourself. Being confident in who you are will allow you date with the knowledge that if he doesn't call (or text back), you won't fall into a terribly depressing sinkhole where you're still crying a week later (still hoping that maybe he'll text you). Loving yourself will be enough because you don't need his attention, compliments or validation to be worth something. Your love will be enough.
3.) Don't overthink things. I'm as guilty as ever in this department. When he doesn't text back, I immediately think worse case scenario and honestly, he's probably talking to other girls, as you're probably talking to other guys. You're both in the same scene and it's not worth the stress you put on yourself to analyze everything. Plus, you don't want a guy who doesn't make you his #1 anyway. If it's meant to be, it's meant to be.
4.) Timing is everything. It's easy to compare your chapter twenty to someone's chapter thirty, and it's even easier to fantasize and get lost in your head about finding your prince charming. He'll come, in due time. But if you're like me and living in San Francisco but going home to Alaska in the summer and then jetting off to London in the fall, having a relationship now probably isn't the wisest thing. Doesn't mean you can't date, but know that timing will work itself out eventually.
So here I sit, in my room, bingeing to Daredevil and for once since I came back from my road trip (which I'll share with you Thursday), I feel... better. And I think I can move on. Not erase him from my mind and shut him away in a turd box, but acknowledge what he has taught me and learn from it.
It's okay to be single. It's okay to have alone time, and it is certainly most okay to cry in any sort of relationship (or lack thereof). It'll all make you a better person. All those experiences will teach you who you are and what you want. And slowly, you'll learn to love yourself. And then he'll come along and your emotions will soar once more.
And since red is the color of love..
What I wore: vintage rhinestone earrings (antique store), black Tom Ford sunglasses (consignment), vintage red 1960's dress with scalloped edges and rhinestone finish (Relic Vintage), and red Lien Do suede pumps (Anthropologie sale).