Today I wanted to go through my transition of wanting to be a model. At first, I wanted to just be what I used to call "SAD"- standing for a singer, actor, dancer, but then when I realized that I was tall (who knew?!), I added "M" at the end for model. Now that that seed was planted, it started to grow along with me as I grew up. I thought I would be skinny forever and I even remember coming up with these imaginary interviews where I would respond to being the world's skinniest model and what did I eat (chicken Caesar salad- oh, I went through that phase pretty hard core). Oh the times and the mind of an eleven year old. Then I started getting involved in some modeling conventions and even ended up having callbacks from Elite Model Management, among others. This was.. what, five years ago? By then, I had braces and so they wanted to wait until I got them off.
Well, the braces came off and I was kind of grown up, as a year will do for ya. And my body did so with me. I not only grew up, but a little out. Not chubby, I just discovered that I had a marvelous set of hips. Oolala! Although there were some periods of crying breakdowns over vintage dresses that once fit me not zipping or going over my hips, I was still pretty content with who I was and convinced that I was going to be a model.
Then I grew some more.. into a size 41 inch hip. Yep. At this point, so this would be.. last year?! Yeah, last summer, I attended another convention similar to the previous one, but in the plus category. I was too big for the "normal" size yet my hips barely grazed the cut-off for plus. Where on earth did I belong? I was too big for these stick models and too small for these curvaceous women. GREAT. I did my thang anyway and got a promising callback from a gal in New York. She even told me that I was on the small side. And this was after a day full of speed-networking where I was told to either "Drop twenty pounds or eat donuts." No joke. I was absolutely dumbfounded that there was no place for me to belong here in the modeling industry. Discouraged and a little bit miffed, the only nice advice I got was that I photographed like this gal named Karlie Kloss. I had no idea who she was at the time of the compliment and now I know who she is thanks to every magazine in the store!
These experiences made me realize something: if there is no "category" in which I belong, then I'm just going to go ahead and make my own, like Heidi Klum and her repeating efforts to model for Victoria's Secret. Seriously, just go ahead and plow your own way through the industry, that's my intention. I have big hips due to BONE STRUCTURE. Good luck changing that, guys! Geesh. Anyhow, I still want to pave way for healthy models who are considered "normal", (well duh), but now I want to do a little more and hopefully inspire women that the girls in the magazines (skinny, bony, gaunt, and sometimes downright not good looking) aren't perfect and that they should inspire to be their own person. Most models don't even have their names printed (some do like Karlie, Cara, etc). Who wants to be just another nameless model when one can make a change in this world? That's where I finally stand today.
So these are just some photos of me where one can see the transition as I grow and become more proud of who I am, curvy hipped and all. Models should be healthy, happy, beautiful, and inspiring and that's what I hope to do someday.
From twelve to eighteen!